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How Do You Tell Someone ‘You Suck’ Politely?

Last night I got invited to a PuG EoE group on Ky. Inevitably I always scan people’s gear to get a feeling for how it might go and one ret pally in the group looked as if he had just barely dinged 80. He was in quest greens/blues with one pvp epic that he obviously got in VoA. I recognized most of the items because they were the items I had when I hit 80 while leveling as ret. I groaned, but thought maybe the others will make up for it and in fact they did have much better gear.

We got to the 3rd phase relatively easy. There were DPS issues, but that was primarily due to a DK that hadn’t done this before and was having a hard time stacking buffs in first phase. The Raid Leader also let the ret pally go, but he did it in an interesting way for a pug group.

I wish I had a screenshot of exactly what he said, but he said something along the lines of “I hate to uninvite you, but you really need to be in at least Naxx gear to do this. As good as you are, sometimes gear is just absolutely necessary.” In all honesty, he really wasn’t that bad for his gear. He was pulling roughly 900 dps, which obviously isn’t enough for EoE, but given his gear still not bad. Anyway, there was a pause for a little while, but the pally agreed and no drama ensued.

We replaced the pally and were successful in downing Malygos. The Ice Spire Scepter dropped and for a moment I thought about not rolling for it. I have the mace from Heroic Nexus and it’s served me well, besides the Ice Spire Scepter has Spirit on it and I’m a pally. There was a priest in our group who wanted it as well. But then I thought, this is a pug group. I have as much right to it as the priest, because regardless of the Spirit the other stats are indeed an upgrade, so I rolled. I won! 🙂 Pretty happy about that. If it’d been a guild group or at least a guildie I was rolling against, I’d have passed.

This also led to my necklace upgrade from the 10 man quest given to me by Keristrasza after getting the EoE key. So two upgrades in one night as well as finishing Champion of the Frozen Wastes and getting my title**.

Thats a long @$$ name!!!

That's a long @$$ name!!!

Our guild leader was wanting to run HoL on his level 78 alt. I still need the achievements for that and to be honest wasn’t thinking and wanted to run that on heroic, but oh well. Either way, I was getting rep and some Wintergrasp Shards so it was all good. While in vent a question came up…

“I have a friend that plays a warlock and she wants to get into raiding, but she has no idea how to play her toon. How do I tell her she sucks?” It’s not verbatim, but that’s the gist of the question.

It appears our guildmate has tried to help her friend several times and has even gone as far as buying her equipment only to realize a few days later she’s replaced that equipment with downgrades and items with stats not applicable to her spec. Why? Because it looks pretty.

The advice that I and others gave was that she should approach her friend and ask her how serious she was about wanting to raid. If she’s serious about it, then she needs to be told that she needs to reach a certain standard or chances are she will be ridiculed quite rudely. A casual guild might be more forgiving, but raiding guilds and definitely pugs are not. I told our guildmate she should point her friend to the right websites for talents, gear, and stats.

Either way it’s a tough thing to handle, especially with your friends. How do you tell someone you like that they suck?

7 Responses

  1. You dont have to tell them. Pay someone to rip them a new one in a pug (you may not even have to pay). They will either decided that instances are not for them or get better.

  2. Grats to you.
    I usually don’t go into pug raids mostly out of fear of how many times I’ll need to repair my gear…

    Great job, I’m glad it went well for you.

  3. We had to do this in a previous guild (Pre-Wrath). We had 2 locks that at 70 could not out dps my holy priest. As long as the person genuinely wants to get better, then helping them get gear and run instances with someone else of their class is probably the best way to help.

    I would start by having them look at a spec of someone of that class to improve that aspect first. Take them into a lower level instance (Nexus, UK, etc) with a decent group and go from there.

    There really is no need at this point to flat out tell them they suck. If you dont see them making any progress after a couple of weeks then maybe thats the time. Right now it might be best to point them in the right directions. It may just be they dont know where to turn to get better.

  4. As a Guild Leader, I’ve had to do this on a couple of occasions. Sometimes, the problem is gear-related. Sometimes, the problem deals with spec or rotation.

    The gear-related problems are the easiest to deal with. It’s a lot easier (and people seem to be more receptive) to when you point out that it isn’t their knowledge of their toon that is lacking, but instead is based strictly upon their gear.

    If they object, I simply point out that Heroic Utgarde Keep has a minimum of Level 80 as a requirement just like Sarth 3D. In both cases, there’s nothing but a numbers game between the players and the bosses going on behind all the pretty spell effects…one requires higher numbers than the other. They usually can catch the reasoning and are cool with it.

    The painful discussion is usually based off of a person’s spec, rotation, or general inattention to detail. The amount of time a person has played WoW seems to be directly proportionate to the amount of offense taken when you critique them.

    I dealt with a Rogue one time that claimed to have played since Vanilla. They were more than geared for 10-man Naxx, but couldn’t seem to DPS their way out of a paper bag. After looking at their Spec, it was apparent why this was so.
    They were less than receptive to my advice on how to improve their playstyle in order to improve. They insisted that since I did not have a Rogue toon, I didn’t know what I was talking about.
    I eventually had to permanently bench them from raiding due to their inflexibility. To this day, they remain benched.

    On the flip-side of the coin, I’ve also dealt with a Hunter in the guild who is playing their very first toon. Their gear met the minimums for 10-man Naxx, but their DPS was sub-par and while the gear SCORE (wow-heroes.com) placed them as Naxx-ready, the gear choices were less than optimal for their toon (for instance, Expertise for a Beast Mastery spec).
    After talking to them, they were extremely receptive to new ideas and advice. Worked their tail off to gain more appropriate gear upgrades through heroics, crafting, and raiding. They have since turned into an extremely deadly Hunter and a great asset to the guild.

  5. Some people do not want to hear it – period! In a guild run on my SP pre Wrath, I finally asked my GM why the other SP was out DPSing me consistently. He told me gear upgrades (I was in PvP and specced for that) mostly. I asked the other SP what his rotation was and realized what I was doing wrong and hadn’t thought of – kind of it wasn’t broke so . . .

    People that want to improve will take constructive criticism well, (respeccing, working on shot rotation, gear upgrades, etc.), the ones that want to look pretty or do not understand what is required . . . they’ll never get it.

  6. I think that it is so much easier in a pug to tell someone they suck but when it is a guildie, omg… Officers have to be diplomatic but their hands are tied if there is no improvement from people and they are holding back progression. It just sucks because you bite your tongue knowing it will cause drama if you bitch about it.

  7. “I have a friend that plays a warlock and she wants to get into raiding, but she has no idea how to play her toon. How do I tell her she sucks?”

    Very easy, you spam them with Recount and show them how bad their dps is after every boss fight. No need for awkard words, the truth is out there.

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